I have to apologize again for not posting last week. I started watching the first date with Brooks and
LITERALLY fell asleep! This wasn’t one of those nice soft doze-offs either, I’m talking a fully-open-mouth-
snore kind of a sleep. I did stir partway through the episode and woke-up to see some of the past ladies
of the Bachelor series. My first thought was, “Oh my gosh, did they boot Des and start a new season?”
Much to my dismay, it was only a forced cameo surely to promote the ladies for the upcoming season of
Bachelor Pad.
Now I know you’re all thinking, “Doesn’t this guy have a DVR?” Yes I have a DVR, but let’s just face it I
was too lazy to go back and watch the episode. Especially considering it was the date before hometowns
which is always about, “I can’t wait for you to meet my family,” and “I just don’t take anyone home to
meet my parents.” I really couldn’t take 2 hours of that abuse, so here we are.
It’s time for hometowns! I’ve always loved this episode because without fail someone you least expect
has a really crazy family. Who doesn’t like seeing crazy people on TV? It always makes me feel so much
better about my own family!
The dates kick-off in Dallas with Abs. Abs truthfully shares with Bachelor Nation, “People think I’m
crazy? Wait till you meet my family, and then you’ll see crazy!” That’s what I’m talking about! Give me
some crazy!
Abs decides to break the ice from a long layoff with Des by sharing a dream he had the prior night. “We
were laying on the beach, and it was so hot we started to melt into the sand. After we were almost fully
melted, it started snowing and we caught the snow in a cup and ate it.” Yes! The craze-o-meter is
starting to rise!
Des is pretty confused as to why he shared this bizarre dream, but shrugs it off as just Abs being Abs.
Have no fear readers, this is what I’m here for! I’m not letting Abs get off so easy. Let’s break down this
dream and really interpret it.
According to my #1 bookmarked website
here are the following dream definitions:
Melting: “To see melting ice or snow signifies that you are letting go or releasing negative and cold
emotions that you have been holding onto. You are warming up to a situation.”
Snow: “If the snow is melting, then it suggests that you are acknowledging and releasing emotions you
have repressed.”
Hedgehog: “To see a hedgehog in your dream suggests that you are being overly sensitive. You are taking
everything too personally. Alternatively, it refers to losing your soul.”
Yeah, yeah I know this is not in the dream, but whoa I never want to see a hedgehog in one of my dreams! I’m just picturing a hedgehog pop out of the ground and in his best Mortal Combat voice saying, “Your soul is mine!” Freaky!
Back to Abs’s dream. I guess there is only one logical interpretation I’m seeing for this dream – It’s time
to get into a penguin suit and show Des the family snow cone business! So that’s exactly what Abs does.
He’s greeted by about 30 (surely random…) small children and Abs and Des go to work making these
kids’ day with a free snow cone.
Des is really excited about the family business, and Abs and Des head off to meet the fam.
“Zack’s family gave me some insight on why Abs is the way he is,” says Des. This makes a lot sense
because Des is greeted with the entire family screaming and jumping super-hyperactively. They sit down
for dinner, which must have been the same thing Will Farrell ate on the movie “Elf” because the rest of
the night is a hyper-screaming-jumping whirlwind.
The night is topped off with the entire family singing “You light the fire inside his eyes” a song written by
Abs (which may rival Souldja Boy’s “Right Reasons” on the iTunes top 100 list). Des is so touched to the
point she’s brought to tears.
Abs ends the day by giving Des a ring….wait WHAT? Neil Lane didn’t even get his chance to “secretly”
advertise his jewelry line! No worries Neil, it’s only a promise ring Abs picked up at the same thrift shop
he picked up the journal he gave to Des earlier in the season.
The next hometown is with Drew in Sunny Scottsdale Arizona. Drew starts the date off by picking up his
handicapped sister Melissa. Drew has talked to Des about his childhood and the troubles he’s faced: his
parents divorced & his father battled alcoholism. Drew informs Des before going over that this will be
the first his father has been to his mother’s house. Des prepares herself for some drama, but there is
none; only long tearful talks with Drew’s parents. “Can you see yourself proposing to her,” Drew’s mom asks. “I can,” Drew replies. “I can too” his mother says crying which is followed by a long embrace.
The date ends with Drew finally dropping the L bomb, “I love you, and I want you to be a part of my life.”
Des leaves and Drew shares his confidence with Bachelorette Nation, “The next time I see my family, I
will be an engaged man.”
Next date is with Chris in Oregon. Chris was a professional baseball player, so the hometown starts with
some baseball. Des shocks Chris and the rest of America with her baseball skills. She can really throw a
baseball! “And she can really hit! She was just ripping the ball out here,” Chris exclaims to Bachelorette
Nation.
The couple head over to the house and Des and Chris explain at dinner that during one of their dates she
fell off a rock and tweaked her back. The obvious response from Chris’s dad is, “Hey do you want to go
down to my [dark] basement and get adjusted?” Have no fear ladies, he’s a licensed chiropractor which
makes it totally less creepy!
“I’m laying down face first with my butt in the air. Not awkward at all!” Des proclaims. Chris’s dad getsmore action than Chris has ever gotten from Des, and ends the session with a real hard pull on her head.
Chris heads down to make sure dad isn’t giving her the “creepy old man adjustment” he’s been known to
give some of his past girlfriends, and saves Des…or appears to save Des. In reality he wants an
adjustment of his own! But this is not your regular back alignment; Chris opts for a nose adjustment?
Chris’s dad pulls out this hand pump with literally a 3-inch-long wad of gauze attached to the end. He
shoves the gauze into Chris’s nostril and starts pumping. “This adjustment will give you more clarity,”
Creepster Dad emphasizes. All I can see is a big ol’ booger string, with EXTREME clarity! Creepster Dad
then mentions, “Des really should come get the nose adjustment so she can have some clarity for her
decision.” At this point I’m dying to see a Bachelorette booger blowout, but alas my dreams are dashed
and Des is shuffled onto Chris’s overprotective mother.
Chris is talking with his siblings and discovers that none of his family members liked the last girl he
brought home. “Grandma especially thought she was wrong for you,” Chris’s sister informs him. This
comes as a huge surprise to Chris, and it’s a good thing Chris’s nasal passages are all cleared out because
he looks so upset he could snot-rocket grandma right on the spot! He and the rest of America are
wondering why his family has waited until now to tell him this information? Are you trying to throw a
brotha off man!
This hometown is approaching burying-a-dead-pigeon levels of weirdness, and gets even more awkward
with Des’s meeting with Chris’s mom. “I just really hope my mom likes Des right from the beginning,”
Chris says. Chris takes her mom aside to get the low down on Des. “You guys aren’t in the real world,” Creepster
Mom says, “Do you feel she’s stronger as a person, as an individual?” The grilling continues, “What’s
going to happen in the real world?”
In the end Creepster Mom stoically says, “Well I like her…you have my blessing.” Chris is elated, but one
has to wonder how the family really feels about Des and when Chris will find out?
Time for Brooks’s hometown! Des starts the date by dropping the L word again to Bachelor nation. Does
she not know the rules of Bachelorette? She seems really smitten by Brooks and isn’t afraid to let him
know it.
We’re in Salt Lake City for Brooks and Des’s date which begs the question: Are we going to have 2 SLC
winners in a row?
Brooks receives a lot of advice from his siblings and their spouses, “Can you make her happy for the rest
of her life? If she were out of your life, what would you go through to get her back? When you’re apart,
do you miss her more than anyone else in your life?” Brooks’s family is very impressed with Des, to the
point that Brooks’s mom pulls him aside and gives him her blessing for marriage Des ends the hometown dates with a flight back to the mansion in Los Angeles. Des next meets with the star of last season’s “Bachelor”, the “Playboy” himself her little brother. She tells Bachelor Nation that
she hasn’t seen him since his infamous meeting with Sean, which eventually ruined her chance with love
(by calling Sean a “Playboy”). He’s unapologetic and still really in form, “Yeah, yeah you like them all,
blah, blah, blah!” Playboy says. “I’d like to meet all of them…get in their heads,” Playboy laughs.
Des tells her brother how much she feels for the guys and tells him she is sure her husband is among the
guys. Playboy is still skeptical, but promises Des he’ll have an open mind. She tells him he will NOT be
meeting the guys, but I’ve got a feeling Bachelorette producers have something else in mind!
Time for our favorite part to fast forward…the rose ceremony! “None of the guys are expecting to go
home tonight, and that’s why this is so hard…the person going home tonight is going to be completely
shocked,” Des says somberly.
Chris Harrison walks each of the guys in and guess who’s hiding in the shadows checking them all out?
No, not Creepster Dad…it’s Playboy ready to get his Jerry Springer on!
Des gives roses to Drew, Brooks, & Chris. Abs is the Lone Ranger (crappy movie by the way…thanks for
the great reviews Bachelorette!) and is sent home. “You deserve the absolute best,” Des consoles him.
Des pulls out the thrift shop ring and says, “This is such a beautiful ring…but I think you should have it.”
Abs is so upset and shocked on his exit ride home that he rolls down the window and throws the ring out
the window. Is he crazy? All I know is some homeless dude just hit it big!
So what have we learned from these hometowns? It’s never good to show up to a date with a penguin
suit? If you can’t close the deal on your date, send her to the basement with your Creepster Dad? All
guys from SLC are dreamy? Feel free to comment and share your thoughts as you watched like I did…
occasionally in the background
Hello! I am Camille, a wife, mother of four, Disney obsessed, certified teacher, and believer in creating your best momlife the way you see fit. Motherhood comes with its ups and downs, my hope is you’ll find something here to make your life a little better/easier. Let’s be friends on social!
