Mr. Bachelorette Competition
As many of you read in my prior two posts (see post 1 here and post 2 here – shameless plug…), by night I’m an edgy Bachelorette columnist (too much?) but by day I’m an accountant. That’s right, a boring ol accountant. You know the “numbers guy”, “bean counter”, “number cruncher”, etc.
I have to laugh whenever we meet new people at a social gathering. At first the conversation is so engaging and exciting (this is usually when Camille’s talking) and then naturally someone in the group will ask me the question, “So what do you do for a living?” I reply excitedly, “I’m an accountant”. Almost without fail their response is a disappointing, “Oh…that’s…cool…” Which is generally followed up with some quick glances around the room searching for anyone…anyone they can break away from and go talk to.
It really is hard to blame people for their reaction. Let’s face it, accountants are really boring! Trust me, I’ve hung out with more accountants than all of you combined! There are, however, different levels of boringness with our species.
There’s the ultra boring – the couple who despite having 6 figures in their savings account would have long regular conversations about the wife (also an accountant) having to wait until the husband got home to drive to the local grocery store (true story). They had calculated that his car got 2 miles-per-gallon better gas mileage which accounted for a total savings of $1.00 per year!
Then there’s the edgy accountant. These are the ones who really go crazy and have been seen doing the following: 1) paying for groceries with a credit card…evil, 2) listening to music (as opposed to talk radio or a financial book on tape) while alone in the car, 3) going on vacation somewhere other than Lagoon or Raging Waters, or perhaps the most egregious of all these acts 4) buying a small appliance WITHOUT RESEARCHING FOR HOURS ON CONSUMER REPORTS!!! Are you freaking crazy? Your 10 year budget spreadsheet doesn’t have room for 2 blenders!
So why all the accountant talk you ask? No, not because it’s more exciting than this year’s Bachelorette season. It’s because Bachelorette contestant Brad the accountant finally gets a one-on-one date with Des.
So let’s get to the action! The guys are awakened and surprised by Chris Harrison and informed that they are going to continue their journey for love by traveling around the world. Their first stop will be Atlantic City. Brad the accountant snags the first one-on-one. I’m really stoked for this date because it’s finally time for Brad to show the world what we’re made of!
The date starts off great. Brad is really going outside his accountant comfort zone. He rides on a carousel (whoa…getting crazy!), and also tells Des this was “the first time I’ve ever walked on a boardwalk.” I can’t really blame the guy, it takes a real dare-devil to walk on those things!
Des and Brad take cautious baby steps along the boardwalk and land in a candy factory. They begin in the taffy room when suddenly, “I smell chocolate,” Des says, “let’s go find the chocolate.” Brad knows to never get between a woman and her chocolate, and they venture beyond their assigned room (did they never watch Willy Wonka?). They run into a few oompa loompas (or underpaid former housewives of Atlantic City) and finally find the chocolate. Much to my chagrin, the chocolate doesn’t have secret fizzy lifting ingredients and doesn’t levitate Des and Brad toward a large deadly oversized fan in the ceiling…
So far I’m feeling very good about the date. Brad has really let loose. He’s been talking and really getting outside his comfort zone. He’s even snagged a few kisses from Des.
Next, they’re off to dinner and Brad goes into full-on accountant mode. He must have left his cue cards with all the questions he wanted to ask Des at home, because he goes silent. She’s peppering him with questions and getting very little in response. Des tells Bachelorette nation candidly, “Dinner was good…dinner conversation not so good.”
Des finally puts Brad out of his misery, “Something was missing, and I didn’t see forever with you…I can’t give you the rose.” Brad doesn’t really put up much of a fight, but later shows he’s not all robot and breaks down to tears.
Meanwhile back at the mansion, Date Card! James (Jersey Shore) fittingly gets the one-on-one. Why does he get his hometown date so early?? Before Jersey’s big date he needs some GTL time so he sends the other guys off for a group date.
The group date is Bachelorette’s first ever Mr. America pageant. The guys are going to have the help of Miss America and world famous pageant coach Christopher Dean. Mr. Dean has his eye on a few of the guys and Des quickly jumps into jealous girlfriend mode, “um…I’m going to help too guys!”
It’s explained to the guys that there’s going to be a talent and question portion of the competition. Then to the surprise of all the guys, Christopher Dean wheels out a cart full of swimsuits, “Surprise guys, you’re also going to have a swimsuit portion of the competition!” Christopher has only one suit for each guy and conveniently 3 of the suits are speedos – gross!
All the performances are less than adequate, with the most memorable being the Italian Stallion’s heartfelt poetry performance, “Most women see men first as pieces of meat that only workout, but we’re more than that. We like walks on the beach, we have feelings.” Which is promptly followed up with him doing his talent of male stripping. So much for being more than just a piece of meat!
The winner of Mr. America is Casey. Which gets him…absolutely nothing – Come on Bachelor Producers, these competitions are becoming worthless! First she lets the losers of dodgeball come on the date and now the crown of Mr. America is worth nothing?
Abs (Zack) puts on an encore performance with his guitar when he gets some one-on-one time with Des. She eats it up and awards him with the rose.
We only catch the tail end of James’s GTL session which shows him eating chocolate covered strawberries in a bubblebath? I’m gonna have to call WTF on his GTL! What respectable man takes a bubblebath when he has a night on his own? Whatever happened to Ice Road Truckers or Deadliest Catch marathons?
James and Des take a sobering flight over the Jersey Shore to see the desolation caused by hurricane Sandy. The irony of this whole part of the episode was really speechless to me (mainly due to me nicknaming James “Jersey Shore” on day 1). There were so many avenues & jokes that could have been made, but out of respect to the good people of New Jersey and the awesome couple (Manny & Nan) that showed James and Des around, I thought it wouldn’t be appropriate. Des and James do a great thing and give their date to the good couple and send them off to Atlantic City for the red carpet treatment.
Des and Jersey decide to hit up a local bar for some beer and pizza when James decides to come clean, “Tonight I think it’s important that Des knows some of the mistakes I’ve made in my life.” James continues, “I was in a relationship for 5 ½ years and I cheated on her.” Des is very concerned at first, but feels like she knows James well enough after one date to give him a kiss and start their relationship.
Des & Jersey hook up with Manny & Nan (these 2 were the most entertaining part of the whole show. Can we just watch them for the rest of the season?) for a sweet double date which includes a private concert from Hootie and the Blowfish. James receives the rose and is reassured by Des that she believes he is trustworthy.
On to the rose ceremony cocktail party! This was where all the drama happened this episode. Michael G. came up with an acronym for which he hopes one day will be Des’s new last initial:
D – Down to earth
E – Easy to Talk to
S – Smile lights up the room
G – Wouldn’t it be great if things worked out for us?
I’m still scratching my head on the last letter, but Des doesn’t hesitate one bit and gives Michael his first kiss.
Stone-faced Bryden has some drama and doubts if this is the right place for him. “There are some feelings I gotta figure out, and I’m not sure if she’s the right girl for me,” Bryden vents to the guys. He finally gets some one-on-one time with Des and states, “It feels like since our first date we’ve been falling behind.” Uh-oh he’s got the first date curse! Des reassures her love for him, “I can see Bryden is struggling with this experience, and I hope he comes through because I want him around.”
Des finally sends Zack K home, who I’m positive just joined the cast this last week because I’ve never seen him before. She ends the episode by announcing their next stop, “where there is plenty of sausages…and beer” we’re heading to Germany.
So that ends the 4th episode of this season of the Bachelorette. I apologize to any super fans, but in my opinion the future of this season looks bleak. Like Ashley’s season bleak. Please let me know what you think. Would you rather see Manny & Nan for the rest of the season? Do you think accountants are cool? Is Des making the right decision keeping a cheater around? Feel free to post and agree or disagree with what I was watching…occasionally in the background.
Hello! I am Camille, a wife, mother of four, Disney obsessed, certified teacher, and reality optimist. Motherhood comes with its ups and downs, and I hope while you’re here you’ll find something that makes your #momlife easier!