Hi, this is me. Not my typical tightly cropped, ultra flattering image, but the real deal (also, not the image from my profile page, conveniently taken prior to me starting fertility and getting pregnant with the twins.) I’m not saying it’s terrible, but it’s certainly not where I want to be.
I would be lying if I said that this isn’t difficult to write; to admit.
It’s funny, because during pregnancy I always have an amazing body image, even while pregnant with my twins. I don’t know if it’s just all of the pregnancy hormones coursing through my veins or the excitement over bringing new life (or lives) into the world after a long struggle to conceive them in the first place, but I genuinely feel pretty when I’m expecting. It’s after giving birth that really affects me, especially after the delivery of the twins.
To look into the mirror is to see someone else entirely. It’s hard to love that person.
I know I’m not alone in this, but we all put so much effort into faking how secure we are that we end up struggling through these insane body changes silently, and alone.
I think there is not one single girl I know who doesn’t have body issues of some sort, at least at one point in their lives. Yes, even my itty bitty friends. It’s no secret that I want to lose weight and am working on it; I talk about it often enough, even here on the blog. However, it’s hard to talk about how it really affects me. How depressed I get on Sunday mornings as I rampage my closet, trying one item on after another, over and over, desperately searching for something that doesn’t make me absolutely cringe when I glance in the mirror. That doesn’t feel good. When it comes to weight issues I tend to wax sarcastic. It’s certainly easier to make jokes. I’m so cavalier when I talk about weight. But here’s the thing:
I like me. I think I’m pretty dang awesome actually. However, I really hate this one thing…my size.
I realize that one aspect does not define me, though it can often dominate my thoughts. That can be pretty discouraging. However, there is one thing that I know to be true, and that is that fashion, or a lack there of, can really influence body image. So as we kick off fashion week, I felt it was very appropriate to discuss this matter.
Putting on maternity clothes when your babies are 8 months old is nothing short of sad. That’s not good for anyone’s psyche. Also, putting on a pair of pre-pregnancy jeans with an elastic holding the button up has a similar mental response; depressing. (I do not admit or deny having done that, nor on how many occasions.) The fact of the matter is, the simplicity of having clothing that you generally like and fits well (and isn’t a pair of sweats) makes all the difference in the world. (So does a shower every once in a while! Boo.) Although, I struggle to force myself to go out and buy something when my goal is to drop the weight. I’m afraid of getting comfortable, and besides, I hate to spend money if it’s not going to fit anyway in a couple months (hopefully). But what you’re really telling yourself, what I’m telling myself, is that “My body is not worth it; I’m not worth it.” Maybe my body isn’t necessarily “worth it”, but I for sure am! The outfit above maybe isn’t the most fashion-forward thing ever, but it fits me well, I kind of like it, and I feel a whole lot better when I’m wearing it, rather than my husband’s bulky hoodies. It’s a funny thing how feeling good about how you look causes you to feel better generally. And when I feel better generally, I have more energy and I feel so much more committed to my fitness plan. In fact, since I finally bought a few wardrobe pieces that I like and fit, I’ve actually started seeing some real results with my weight loss. Self-fulfilling prophecy?
This concept is by no means new to me, but sometimes it’s hard to practice what you preach.
So if you are not satisfied with where you are physically, that’s okay. I believe it’s important to always be improving (positively!) Just don’t let it run your life. Go out shopping, MAKE it fit into the budget like you would antibiotics and kill off the virus that is killing your fashion and thus your psyche!
And ps: I really am losing the weight now and I’ll be posting updates, and I’d love if any of you would be willing to join me in the journey!! We can share recipes, fitness routines, inspiring quotes/thoughts and our progress. Please comment below if you’re at all interested; I just may organize something fun for us!
Hello! I am Camille, a wife, mother of four, Disney obsessed, certified teacher, and reality optimist. Motherhood comes with its ups and downs, and I hope while you’re here you’ll find something that makes your #momlife easier!