Hi, this is me. Not my typical tightly cropped, ultra flattering image, but the real deal (also, not the image from my profile page, conveniently taken prior to me starting fertility and getting pregnant with the twins.) I’m not saying it’s terrible, but it’s certainly not where I want to be.
I would be lying if I said that this isn’t difficult to write; to admit.
It’s funny, because during pregnancy I always have an amazing body image, even while pregnant with my twins. I don’t know if it’s just all of the pregnancy hormones coursing through my veins or the excitement over bringing new life (or lives) into the world after a long struggle to conceive them in the first place, but I genuinely feel pretty when I’m expecting. It’s after giving birth that really affects me, especially after the delivery of the twins.
To look into the mirror is to see someone else entirely. It’s hard to love that person.
I know I’m not alone in this, but we all put so much effort into faking how secure we are that we end up struggling through these insane body changes silently, and alone.
I think there is not one single girl I know who doesn’t have body issues of some sort, at least at one point in their lives. Yes, even my itty bitty friends. It’s no secret that I want to lose weight and am working on it; I talk about it often enough, even here on the blog. However, it’s hard to talk about how it really affects me. How depressed I get on Sunday mornings as I rampage my closet, trying one item on after another, over and over, desperately searching for something that doesn’t make me absolutely cringe when I glance in the mirror. That doesn’t feel good. When it comes to weight issues I tend to wax sarcastic. It’s certainly easier to make jokes. I’m so cavalier when I talk about weight. But here’s the thing:
I like me. I think I’m pretty dang awesome actually. However, I really hate this one thing…my size.
I realize that one aspect does not define me, though it can often dominate my thoughts. That can be pretty discouraging. However, there is one thing that I know to be true, and that is that fashion, or a lack there of, can really influence body image. So as we kick off fashion week, I felt it was very appropriate to discuss this matter.
Putting on maternity clothes when your babies are 8 months old is nothing short of sad. That’s not good for anyone’s psyche. Also, putting on a pair of pre-pregnancy jeans with an elastic holding the button up has a similar mental response; depressing. (I do not admit or deny having done that, nor on how many occasions.) The fact of the matter is, the simplicity of having clothing that you generally like and fits well (and isn’t a pair of sweats) makes all the difference in the world. (So does a shower every once in a while! Boo.) Although, I struggle to force myself to go out and buy something when my goal is to drop the weight. I’m afraid of getting comfortable, and besides, I hate to spend money if it’s not going to fit anyway in a couple months (hopefully). But what you’re really telling yourself, what I’m telling myself, is that “My body is not worth it; I’m not worth it.” Maybe my body isn’t necessarily “worth it”, but I for sure am! The outfit above maybe isn’t the most fashion-forward thing ever, but it fits me well, I kind of like it, and I feel a whole lot better when I’m wearing it, rather than my husband’s bulky hoodies. It’s a funny thing how feeling good about how you look causes you to feel better generally. And when I feel better generally, I have more energy and I feel so much more committed to my fitness plan. In fact, since I finally bought a few wardrobe pieces that I like and fit, I’ve actually started seeing some real results with my weight loss. Self-fulfilling prophecy?
This concept is by no means new to me, but sometimes it’s hard to practice what you preach.
So if you are not satisfied with where you are physically, that’s okay. I believe it’s important to always be improving (positively!) Just don’t let it run your life. Go out shopping, MAKE it fit into the budget like you would antibiotics and kill off the virus that is killing your fashion and thus your psyche!
And ps: I really am losing the weight now and I’ll be posting updates, and I’d love if any of you would be willing to join me in the journey!! We can share recipes, fitness routines, inspiring quotes/thoughts and our progress. Please comment below if you’re at all interested; I just may organize something fun for us!
Hello! I am Camille, a wife, mother of four, Disney obsessed, certified teacher, and reality optimist. Motherhood comes with its ups and downs, and I hope while you’re here you’ll find something that makes your #momlife easier!
Thank you for the “real” post cass. I agree that going through the roller coaster of weight gain and pregnancy can be so overwhelming!
A new top goes a long way and girl you look amazing. Trying to gear up for the whole process again. It’s like a mountain isn’t it?
You are an amazing, hard worker. You’ll get there lady. Xoxo
It’s true, but I’d be lucky to get to where you have gotten post pregnancy! You are awesome girl!
Thank you Thank you for this wonderful post. That is truly one of my biggest struggles.
And of the short time we were in the same ward, I always thought you looked so beautiful.
Keep it up. 🙂
You’re so sweet. And thank you so much for reading Melissa!!
You look great Cass. I am not just saying that to say it like I would write in someone’s yearbook “Have a fun summer! We should hang out sometime…..” NOT. You really do look good. You are beautiful inside and out and I have always thought that. I envy your dimples. I LOVE the outfit. I don’t have a real sense for fashion, but I know enough to know how good it feels to wear clothes that fit-no matter what size I am. It really does make a big difference. Totally agree with you there. Good luck with your weight loss journey. You have done it before and you will do it again.
Thanks so much Kali! And thank you again for all of the great recipes!! I’m totally loving all of them!
So proud of you Cas! And I couldn’t agree more with everything you said in this post and I also completely agree that you are pretty awesome 😉
Girl, I just miss your face. I hope you felt better about where you’re at seeing where I’M AT!! ugh. lol (not that it’s good to compare) Thanks for always reading!! you’re the best!
Hey there lady!
I love reading your posts!
I too struggle with the weight issue. I start two weeks ago getting back on track, when all my recently bought clothes started to get tight. Heck I loved being able to get smaller sizes and that feeling WHAT AM I DOING EATING ALL THE CRAP!?
Anyways one of my favorite recipe sites is http://dashingdish.com/
Beware she loves things a bit too sweet so I back off all the stevia and usually use a little honey instead.
I love her shakes and her easy Cheesy Burritos (my kids even eat them with the beans in it!!). You should definitely check her out!
Good luck lady! I know you can do it. You are amazing!
Thank you so much Chrissy! I clearly know how you feel. And I LOVE dashingdish, thanks for sharing!! I can’t wait to try some recipes out!!
We believe in being honest… And thank you for that! Thank you for helping to motivate me… AGAIN to keep working on the ever going battle of the bulge. Unfortunately family genes play a big part in this battle, but it can be won. It has before and will be again. Just NEVER give up. All of my girls are beautiful! ( they get it from their Dad!)
It definitely has been won before and WILL ABSOLUTELY be won again! And I get it from my mama!! 🙂
You look lovely! Nothing more sexy than a lady who has created life.
“I like me. I think I’m pretty dang awesome actually. However, I really hate this one thing…my size.”
That is EXACTLY how I was before I stopped nursing and was able to lose the weight. Thanks for posting about this hard subject.
Michelle, you are so fantasic! I cannot believe how incredible your weight loss has been! You always were and still are totally AWESOME! Thank you for reading…it’s hard to put stuff up like this, but harder if no one cares. 🙂
I love this post! When I got married I put on the lbs fast! Then I got my disease thang and the medicine made me gain even more weight! I always joke, I’ve never had a baby but I look like I just had one! I’m always struggling with my weight. I’m currently in the on going process of losin it and liking what I see! I agree with you, fitting fashion helps. I don’t like the thought “when I lose weight I’ll get clothes that I love” no way! Love your clothes now and it will certainly help how you see yourself. Anyway, I’d more than love to do the journey with you! I was just talking to Blake like an hour ago saying I want to make toning and conditioning my hobby! Something I enjoy!
I remember reading about that on your blog. That must have been really hard. I will say, that your efforts to lose the weight and get healthy even amid the chaos was really inspiring for me, especially since I was in the middle of losing the weight from my first pregnancy.
I love the personal posts! And you are so right about body image being universal for pretty much all women; I’m tiny but still struggle with loving my body too. But I agree, clothes that fit really do make a big difference:) And while you may not be happy with where your body is now, the one thing we don’t see when we look in the mirror is how we look when we interact with others. So you don’t get to see the sparkle you have, and the way you “glow!” And that is worth so much more than what size we are.
Thanks so much for reading AND for your comment! You’re seriously so sweet, and so right. 🙂 And You are so small, but like I said, even my tiniest of friends have at one point or another expressed dissatisfaction with their bodies.
What a completely applicable post TO EVERYONE. I don’t care if you are 10 lbs or 100 lbs overweight, when you feel un-attractive, you have a tendency to dress that way and the cycle just perpetuates itself! I looked at a picture of myself the other day and went HOLY COW! I have seriously put on like 10 lbs in the last MONTH because its been so stressful around here, and I have found myself putting on the raggedy yoga pants and oversized shirts- but I am going to take your advice and work harder on dressing pretty for MYSELF! AND losing weight. Because I don’t feel healthy and after 4 babies my body just won’t jump back into shape! I would love some support group to motivate and share…however only if I am not predjudiced agains because I am not overweight- just unhealthy…and isn’t that just as bad?
Um, yeah. Definitely too tiny to join. lol Just kidding. But kind of not. 🙂 I think aiming to be healthy is always the best goal to have! Not “thin” but HEALTHY!
Perfect Post Cassia! I have gained and lost a total of 500 pounds over the past 16 years! And, the weight I gained from the adoption of my son, is the weight I haven’t been able to totally get rid of….go figure. Stress eating? age? I’m not sure, but it’s a battle for everyone living in this day and age with all the crap in our foods – and we don’t have to go out and hunt it with a bow and arrow. No calories being burnt as I sit in the McDonalds drive through 🙂 haha
Girl, you’re like seriously my inspiration! (And ps: Stress eating is HUGE!! ugh!)
This post is sooo applicable to my life right now! I was shopping in Target with my husband and mother-in-law when I found super cute, cheap, colored capris! Immediately I thought, no way. I am pregnant, and will grow, am growing, and I only ever wear the same comfortable thing everyday. Not only that, but I’m a stay-at-home mom. Where do I go to be seen in such pretty things? THANK GOODNESS for my MIL who encouraged to buy them anyway. I did and I feel great and LOVE them! Oh thank heavens for pretty clothes!! And supportive families 🙂
I’m so glad you did!! You’ll look so HOT especially preggers! Ow Ow!! Thanks for always reading Whitney! You rock.