I decided to pray and fast all day Friday, in hopes of gaining clarity, as we were making a very serious decision of adopting a toddler, so fast. Jon and I prayed in the morning and then went our separate ways. This was really hard, because I wanted to just sit and talk with him about everything. I sat down and wrote huge lists of pros and cons. There were so many things to consider and work through, and it was all happening whether we were ready, or not. I couldn’t share our big decision with anyone else, because we weren’t sure how we felt about it ourselves, and because there was another family that was already planning on possibly adopting Jordan. All we could do was decide, really quick, how serious we were in adopting him in case there was a chance.
My list went like this:
If we adopted Jordan, we would be right back to the baby stages after I just put away the high chair, diapers, and car seats. We finally were catching our breath after raising SIX baby girls.
Would my kids be jealous and feel like I wanted them less? Would they feel abandoned?
Would this add extra stress that Jon and I couldn’t add to our plate right now with everything in business going on?
Would I have to deal with lawyers? After going through a step daughter and the legal aspect, a niece and being her legal guardian and that legal aspect..and on and on…did I have it in me to go through this?
Is this something that all of us wanted, or just myself?
Jon and I get to raise a son.
The chain of events that brought us to this place, were nothing less than a miracle.
Friday night, Jon came home feeling more comfortable with the idea of adopting Jordan, and I was more stressed out than ever. It’s hard to make a decision this big, so fast. My head was reeling..and it only got worse when Jon said,
“Let’s call the birth Grandma and let her know we are interested. Let’s just find out what she says and if it is even a viable option.”
I got the chills and groaned at the same time. Were we crazy? I think so. Should we do it? I still thought so. But really, what were we doing? We had our hands full…quite full. Between business and six kids we are already running fast. We both loved it this way and actually thrive on having a lot to do, but were we being smart? I wasn’t sure, but we had come this far and we both wanted to know more, so I picked up the phone and dialed….
“Hi, I got your number from and friend, that said you were interested in possibly placing a little boy for adoption.”
“Could you tell me more?”
She went into details of Jordan’s birth mother, her daughter. With love and emotion she explained the situation that led her to this day. She was very supportive of her daughter and patient with letting her choose what she felt was best for her son. I won’t share all of the details publicly, but know that they both felt like it was the best thing for little “Handsome”. The mother was young and tried with all of her might to make it work on her own, but that is a lot for any fifteen year old.
It is very apparent that Handsome has been loved and taken care of. I felt myself smile bigger and bigger as I thought of this little sweet boy. Could this REALLY happen? Was I dreaming? Was I being selfish taking this opportunity away from another family that couldn’t have children? Was this the little boy that was brought to us through a prayer?
And then she said it…
“We have already asked someone else if they want to adopt him. He has been playing with their kids and getting to know them.”
My heart fell. “Oh….OK” I said, and held my breath.
She went on to ask who we were and where we had heard about them. I explained the connection and told her that we had a public blog at Pink-Moss.com if she wanted to read more about our family and see pictures. Silently, I was starting to pull away, trying to protect my heart. How could I let myself fall in love with the thought of a little boy, only to watch him be placed with someone else. I needed to protect myself.
“Can we come over and meet you on Sunday night if the other family changes their mind, and decides that it’s best they don’t adopt him?”
I looked at Jon, and I could tell that we both wanted to keep this door open. We had to take that next step and see how it felt when we met him, even though we knew it may be causing sadness in the long run.
If you are missing pieces of Jordan’s Adoption story, you can find them below.
If you want to read about Jordan’s story from his perspective, you can find it below.
And if you want to read about Jordan’s adoption from his birth mom’s and Nana’s perspective, you can read it below.
Hello! I am Camille, a wife, mother of four, Disney obsessed, certified teacher, and reality optimist. Motherhood comes with its ups and downs, and I hope while you’re here you’ll find something that makes your #momlife easier!