Monday I woke up frustrated.
I just wanted to know if Jordan would be part of our lives, or not. I could feel that I had started becoming attached and I didn’t want to surrender my heart, unless it was happening for sure. I can’t imagine being one of the families that struggles to adopt for years, and people do it all the time. It’s beautiful, really, the sacrifices parents will make to create a family together.
Our friends, that told us about Handsome in the first place, have been through fertility issues for years and eventually decided to look into adoption. Can you imagine enduring YEARS of waiting and stress? Now they have a darling son and another one on the way..but think of it, waiting months and months while the birth mom is pregnant, never knowing if she will change her mind at any point in time. And here, I had only been through three and a half days of it!
Pregnancy and the stresses that I have dealt with, have been completely opposite. We have always had children in our home, and they seem to show up faster than we could plan on them. Sydney was already a part of Jon’s life when I married him, Kinley joined our family soon after we were married, Whitney made her entrance twenty-two months later, and my niece, Shauntyl, moved into home at the age of seven when Whitney was two months old. So in the first two years of our marriage, and being only twenty-two myself, I had a step daughter, two biological daughters, and one foster daughter. Brighton, Ella and Halle came every two to three years after. During these twelve years of having babies, I really kept busy. I would have to say that our first years of marriage were not made of cherries and ice cream. It was tough.
We have had many friends and family that have had stress because they couldn’t have a child, our stress came from having them so fast – combined with life’s extreme ups and downs. I had no business complaining, after only three days of waiting for little Mr. Handsome. Besides, if he were to come, an average adoption takes anywhere from two to six months to complete. Jordan’s biological mother could change her mind at any point and he wouldn’t be living with us. Jordan’s “Na Na” had let me know that if they were to let him be adopted, that they wanted it to happen sooner than later.
I text Na Na and asked if they had heard anything from the family that were considering adopting Jordan. They said that the family hadn’t responded yet and they had given them until 8 o’clock that night. Na Na asked if they could come back again that night, with the birth mother, so she could meet us.
“Only if there is a chance we could get him.” I said.
I didn’t want to get my hopes up even higher.
She assured me that we were still in the running and there still was a possibility, but they didn’t want to take back their offer of placing Handsome with the other family, if they were interested. I understood their reasoning, but felt so helpless. Why would it feel so right, if it wasn’t. I started to second guess the inspiration that I felt I had received.
Na Na asked me if I wanted to speak with the birth mom. I said I would love to. I didn’t know quite what to say to her, but felt like I wanted to express how I was feeling.
“Hi” I said, “I just wanted to tell you that I am so sorry for the situation you are in, and I just want everyone to be happy. I don’t want to pressure you into something you aren’t ready for, but we are willing and able to raise your child if you want us to.”
I could tell she was emotional and I couldn’t imagine what she must be feeling. She let me know that she felt good about us adopting him but that she has promised him to someone else. I told her that I was aware and we were waiting until we got the final word. She asked if she could come and meet us that night and I told her I was planning on it. I thanked her and told her I would see her that evening. Subsequently, I started to hold my breath for another ten hours.
How was I going to survive another day of waiting?
I had a list of things I wanted to do, if he were to come.
I wanted to buy boy clothes for the first time!
I wanted to prepare his room, so he felt comfortable.
We needed to decide to to tell the extended family this crazy story!
Of course, we were excited to buy boy toys for the first time.
Most importantly, we were excited to start loving him up, but I couldn’t.
I didn’t even know what to tell my family, because really, there wasn’t much to say yet. I sent my kids to school and started cleaning. This was something that would help me out either way things turned out. A fresh start.
Jon called our Carpet Cleaning business guys and had them come clean the carpets for us. The people that owned our home before put in WHITE carpet upstairs in all five bedrooms, I don’t know what kind of mommy she was, but I have a hard time keeping stains off of white carpet. Between the glitter that spills, rogue markers, the shoes that were left on in the mud room, and our share of regular spills – it has always been an uphill battle.
I kept busy watching Halle and my nephew, Jackson, all day. I paid special attention to how they were playing together, because if Handsome came, there was no doubt I’d be breaking up fights over toys. Halle was the youngest and not used to sharing her things and Jordan was an only child and didn’t have anyone to share with. I loved watching the two toddlers playing together, almost like having twins. Jordan and Halle are almost exactly two years apart and would keep each other *and myself* busy, that was for sure!
I had walls built up around me, for my protection and theirs. I had already found myself staring at him longingly when he slept in he Grandma’s arms the night before and I didn’t want to creep them out!
Finally, they pulled up to our house, parked the car and walked up the front sidewalk. I was waiting and opened the door.
The Grandma “Na Na” was holding him and the birth mother said,
“He is yours.”
I was SO SHOCKED, I couldn’t even respond.
I blurted out something stupid like, “Um, OK…, did the other family respond yet?”
“Yes, they said after having him play with their kids they felt like he was someone else’s child.”
I couldn’t believe my ears!! I teared up for just a minute, still in shock.
Was this REALLY happening? Was I going to have a little boy placed in my arms? Were my prayers answered in such a miraculous way, that I would actually have a son after only hearing about him four days previous?
Yes, I was.
We sat down and became better acquainted with one another. After much talking and planning, I brought my kids into the room. But before I explained what was happening, I turned to Halle and asked,
“Do you know who this is?”
“Yes, he is my brother!”
We were all shocked and the girls were so excited! There is no way that Halle would have even known our plans for adoption. I don’t know how to express the magnitude of this statement to you. All of the girls instantly knew how big of deal this was that she already knew him.
Last February 26th, Bug started talking about her brother.
Her what?! you say!!
*Link* Yes brother.
She was convinced, and now I am.
I am conviced that kids sometimes understand more than we do, and heaven is a lot closer than we know. I am convinced that prayers are answered and Heavenly Father watches over us all. I’m convinced that families come together in many different ways and that unit is the most important thing on this earth.
I am convinced.
If you are missing pieces of Jordan’s Adoption story, you can find them below.
If you want to read about Jordan’s story from his perspective, you can find it below.
And if you want to read about Jordan’s adoption from his birth mom’s and Nana’s perspective, you can read it below.
Hello! I am Camille, a wife, mother of four, Disney obsessed, certified teacher, and reality optimist. Motherhood comes with its ups and downs, and I hope while you’re here you’ll find something that makes your #momlife easier!