Saturday was a waiting game.
Luckily it was General Conference because I was needing to just sit and ponder. The words and thoughts spoken that day, helped distract me from this looming decision hanging above my head. My emotional self was so raw after fasting the day before and the adoption was forefront in my brain. I vacillated back and forth between letting myself get excited and keeping up walls of protection. Jon was very cute, and brought me breakfast in my chair – because I could barely speak to anyone.
I have had a path of motherhood that has prepared me for may facets of this situation. I knew how big of deal this was. Back when I was 20 and naive, everything seemed simple. Parenthood is not simple. It is intense and all encompassing.
I realized today that I have been a step mother to my oldest daughter “Rooz”, foster parent for almost five years to my niece, a biological mommy, of course, and now possibly an adoptive mom.
All situations present their own challenges.
I have been the weekend mom, the “mean” full time mom, the aunt/mom, the step mom, and now, possibly, a new adoptive mom. I have sat in court and battled for visitation, sat in court trying to fight for justice when my niece was treated horribly, been pregnant five times, watched family torn apart as Jon and I fought for my nieces rights, sat in counseling for countless hours, dealt with DCFS, had family home studies done, in order to be certified as a legal foster parent, and tried to find peace between it all.
It was a good chance to reflect on our life, and if this was what we REALLY wanted for ourselves. It was so hard to have all of these emotions dancing inside of me and not be able to talk about it. I was watching my nephew, Jackson, and kept imagining he was my own. How would it be to raise a son?
Halle would fight over toys with a new brother…for sure. She has been the typical baby and knows she is the queen in this house. How would all of the kids react? This was at the top of my list of things that worried me. The stress it would cause on the kids and on our stress load as a whole, but it didn’t matter. We had decided. Now it was in their hands and they had let us know that the first family was still trying to decide if they wanted to adopt Jordan, or not.
I went to bed Saturday night, but didn’t sleep. Visions of “my” Super Man were floating through my scattered, detached dreams.
If you are missing pieces of Jordan’s Adoption story, you can find them below.
If you want to read about Jordan’s story from his perspective, you can find it below.
And if you want to read about Jordan’s adoption from his birth mom’s and Nana’s perspective, you can read it below.
Hello! I am Camille, a wife, mother of four, Disney obsessed, certified teacher, and reality optimist. Motherhood comes with its ups and downs, and I hope while you’re here you’ll find something that makes your #momlife easier!