If you guessed that I slept Monday night, in a deep slumber, exhausted from previous days events, you would be wrong. I tossed and turned all night, my head swimming with possibilities, some good and some bad. Even if my body relaxed and fell into some sort of sleep, my mind didn’t and this made for the craziest dreams ever – not that this is weird for me.
TUESDAY was bound to be an emotional day for everyone. Jon had the lawyer on alert the day before, just in case they came back with a “yes, he is yours!” I thought Jon was jumping the gun, but once again he was right. He wanted the insurance ready, just in case Handsome was placed in our care. Sure enough, they wanted him to come live with us on Tuesday! They had mentioned they wanted this whole ordeal to go fast, and they weren’t kidding!
One of my main concerns with adopting a son, was that I didn’t want my other kids to feel like I didn’t love them as much as I always had. I knew this wasn’t possible, but I was worried that their young minds might view it this way. After Jordan’s family left Monday night, Jon and I spent time talking to Whitney and Kinley, to make sure they were feeling okay with the situation. I have had children, and I won’t say which ones, bring up the fact that they thought I loved boys more than girls when they were upset. Of course this isn’t true, I just wanted the chance to raise both. If I had given birth to five boys and had one step son, I would by dying for a girl!
I was so mentally worn out by this point, I slumped down in my bed as Jon went and talked with both of them. I just didn’t know if I had the patience to hear that they weren’t ready for a brother after all that had traspired.
I was pleasantly surprised when I realized Whitney didn’t feel that way, but was more concerned about him. She worried that he wouldnt feel he was part of the family, because he was adopted and nobody else was. Thank goodness. I would have had a really hard time if all my kids were mad at Jon and I for making this decision.
I don’t remember what time I woke up on Tuesday, probably because I was partially awake all night. I got all five kids ready for school, but let Kinley stay home with us to go pick up Handsome. Whitney chose to go to school because she was in charge of a devotional. She was planning on sharing our adoption story, as it related to prayer. Sydney also came with us to the lawyers office.
The drive to Salt Lake was torture. On one hand, it felt like Christmas, and on another it felt like I was about to take away someones family member – because I was. I was so overwhelmed with emotion and could barely speak. The whole thing happened so fast, and was surreal. It had been only five days since I heard of Jordan. FIVE DAYS! As you can tell from our business ventures, Jon and I move quickly. We make decisions pretty fast and if it feels good, we go for it with everything we can muster and this experience wouldn’t be any different.
When we arrived, we got out of the car and they pulled up along side of us. Their family got out of their car with Jordan. I couldn’t help but stare at him, was this really happening? Was I still dreaming? …no, I was sure I wasn’t. My sweat was down to my elbows again, just like the first night I met him. I was giddy, yet somber. I was excited, and a ball of nerves, all at the same time.
We said our hellos, and walked into the office. The lawyer came out to greet us, and quickly divided us into different rooms. I didn’t realize we would be signing papers in different rooms, but it helped me feel a bit relieved. I don’t think I could watch that. I needed to bond with Jordan, and the visual of the whole family crying and heartbroken would be hard to get out of my mind.
As we sat and waited, we looked around the lawyers office. Let me take that back, there were chairs to sit on but I couldn’t hold still. I was pacing back and forth trying to clear my gitters. I glanced around the office and noticed a wall full of pictures. It took a minute for me to realized that ALL FOURTEEN kids on the wall, were in fact, the lawyers family. Some by adoption, and some biological children. Kids from many nationalities and backgrounds, and now they all had one thing in common.They had a stable family unit through adoption and they all belonged. It didn’t matter their color or birth place, all that mattered was that they were loved.
Not many people make me feel like a wimp when it comes to number of children, but this man did. He was so calm and collected, I guess you would have to be in order to head a household that size. That AND have an amazing wife behind the scenes that took care of their every need!
Next thing I know, our lawyer came into the office and showed us where to sign. I didn’t realize it, but it was all done. The mother has signed away her rights already. Such a short amount of time that changed such a large amount of time. With a stroke of a pen, he was now our responsibility. We signed our end of the agreement and shook the mans hand. It all seemed to easy. Too easy!
We walked into the lobby and the lawyer let us know that the transfer of Jordan into our care needed to happen that very instant. It felt so abrupt. I felt kind of awkward, wanting them to have their time to let go. We walked out to the car and my girls started buckling him into our car, to drive home, with us.
I walked up to the birth mom and Na Na and said,
“I know you are giving me your heart through Handsome, and I am so very grateful and will take care of him forever.”
I started to cry because the power of what was happening was overtaking my soul.
They asked if they could come to our home to drop off Handsomes things and say goodbye. Jon and I decided we were fine with their wishes, so we all loaded into our cars. On the way home, we stopped at Handsomes Aunts’ school to say goodbye for one last time, and also stopped to his great aunts to let her cut his hair, as she always had. She decided to cut it to “look like daddy”. When she said this, we didn’t even get it for a minute. Oh ya, he is ours… and Jon is the dad! Handsome kept running his fingers through his hair because it was spiked up with gel in it and he wasn’t used to it. I had to giggle looking at his sweet confused little face.
We drove home quickly because Handsome had become tired of the car seat. He was done, and cried a bit the last time we put him in the car. When we got to our house, he jumped out and was fine. We filled the front room with all of his toys! Halle must have thought it was Christmas! We chatted a while and said our goodbyes.
Handsome was totally fine until they gave him a kiss and he watched them walk out the door, then he cried.
we all cried
I actually cried longer than Jordan. He was soon distracted by the swing set outside and went on his way. Kids are so resilient. I guess that’s why we are told to be as a child,
forgiving, loving, and without resentment.
I pray to be like Handsome. He was already changed our lives in so many ways, spreading love wherever he went. His smile is contagious, and his big brown eyes, so deep you could get lost in them. He laughs easily and even covers his mouth if he giggles really hard. He tries to put up a fight sometimes when it is time to go to bed, but the second I put on *his* music, his eyes glaze over and he sings, “oooooo” quite close to on pitch with the singer. And, before Jewel makes it past the fifth song, he is always asleep.
Me on the other hand, I spend all night checking on him whenever he makes a peep. I want him comfortable and happy. It brakes my heart the times he has woken up scared, wondering where he is. He has been in our home for one week now and he is comfortable enough now that when we wakes up, he just looks at me and grins as he falls back asleep.
He has my heart, and yes Jon may have reason to be jealous. I have fallen in love with my son. Good luck dating, little Mr. Handsome with six sisters checking out your crushes and a “ma ma” that watches your back. I know we have so much to learn, but we are ready to begin this journey with you!
If you are missing pieces of Jordan’s Adoption story, you can find them below.
If you want to read about Jordan’s story from his perspective, you can find it below.
And if you want to read about Jordan’s adoption from his birth mom’s and Nana’s perspective, you can read it below.
Hello! I am Camille, a wife, mother of four, Disney obsessed, certified teacher, and reality optimist. Motherhood comes with its ups and downs, and I hope while you’re here you’ll find something that makes your #momlife easier!