The Other Side of Adoption: Part Six

{These are the final words from Handsome’s biological Na Na}

I believe that there is a big story to tell!!!!!

The importance of the gospel, the importance of keeping your self morally clean, the word of wisdom.

I know that I am not a perfect person, and I know that I make a lot of mistakes as do others, and I am not telling my story to get people to feel sorry for me, or to think that I am better then someone else. I am telling it so that people can learn form someone else’s mistakes.

When I say this, I am not saying that Handsome is a mistake, because he is not. He is the light at the end of my tunnel, he was the light that I saw so that I could find my way from outer darkness into the light of the Rod, into the light of Christ.

No one will ever know how much I love him.

I am going to be making a scrap book that is all about Handsome, so the day that I get to see and hold him in my arms again I can show him, and tell him see I followed you as you grew, and as you were my strength. I want you to know that I never forgot about you.

I cry for you in the morning
and at night,
I cry because I am happy,

I am happy that you are with your eternal family, I am happy that you now have a mama and a daddy and most of all siblings that love you!!!!! I know that I loved you more then you will ever know!!! My daddy always tells my mama that I love you more today then yesterday but less then tomorrow.

My love for you will be always so strong!!!!!!

I can not wait to see the young boy, young man, and then man that you will grow into being. The day will come where you will be baptized, and then a deacon, and then next thing I will know is that you will be a young missionary getting ready to preach the gospel.

I know that when the time is right for you to marry, please marry someone who is going to respect you, and love you, and be worthy to go to the temple with so that you can marry for time and all eternity. You are my light and my beacon for I know that on the days that I feel lost of helpless and frustrated, and still having that craving for when times get tough, I pull up your mama and daddy’s blog crew ice and see what beautiful pictures of my handsome that have been posted.

You have saved me in more ways then you will ever know, and I know that your mama feels the same way. I see her eyes light up and tears flow when she sees pictures of you, and I know that in time when her heart mends, she too will write you a letter announcing her love for you, and why she decided to love you more, and want to give you more.

Please do not feel like we have decided to give up because that is not the case at all.

WE LOVE YOU, AND WE KNEW DEEP DOWN THAT YOU WHERE TO GO FROM GOD’S ARMS TO OUR ARMS TO YOUR MAMA AND DADDY’S. I LOVE YOU HANDSOME AND I ALWAYS WILL! KNOW THAT I THINK OF YOU DAILY AND THINK EVERYDAY OF OUR ROUTINE AND KNOW THAT ONE DAY I WILL BE THERE FOR YOU TO HUG AND KISS YOU AND TELL YOU MY LOVE THAT I HAVE FOR YOU. I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE VERY MUCH SO LOVED AND ALWAYS WILL BE LOVED, AND THAT WILL NEVER CHANGE,

BUT FOR NOW MY PRECIOUS GRANDSON, I WILL BE WAITING FOR 16 YEARS TO GO BY SO THAT WE MAY HAVE THE CHANCE TO BE REUNITED AND I CAN THEN SHARE MY LOVE WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!
I LOVE YOU HANDSOME MORE TODAY THEN YESTERDAY BUT LESS THEN TOMORROW.
I WILL SEE YOU SOON ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!
YOUR LOVING NA NA FOREVER!!!!!!!!!

After I read these words this morning…I couldn’t help but let my emotion well up inside of me. I believe that this all happened for a reason.
I believe that there is a loving and caring Heavenly Father that oversees all.
I believe that if we try our best every day, we will be carried…through it all.

I am so grateful for Na Na and Handsome’s birth mom.
They have given us a chance to raise a son. A chance that I thought would never come.
They have followed their hearts, even though it is so painful.
I admire women that find the courage to place their child into someone else’s arms, out of pure and selfless love.

After all,
isn’t that what Heavenly Father did?

He sends his spirit children down to earth and places them in our care.
Our imperfect care.

He trusts us with his most valuable love…his children.
All of my children are on loan to me.
I have only a few short years to be the best I can, and help them develop the courage and fortitude it takes to survive in this crazy world.

It is a big job, and one I don’t take lightly. In a way, I have adopted 8 children into my care.
Five biologically, one step, and one foster…but they are all mine on loan.

Imagine how it must feel for Heavenly Father to watch us struggle…
To understand us more than we understand ourselves, and to trust that his children will help each other…for him.

We are his hands.

Handsome is in our care.
He is on loan…

They all need support and love. I thank my Heavenly Father for the blessing of being a mother. There is no better calling on this planet. It supersedes any earthly thing I could fill my time with.

I am not perfect.
I fail.
I fail daily.

But I know that because of the atonement, I can keep going.
I can be a better me…and to use Na Na’s words…I am more today than yesterday, but not as good as tomorrow.

If you want to read the full adoption story, you can find it here…(Click Below)

PART ONE

PART TWO

PART THREE

PART FOUR

PART FIVE

PART SIX

And if you want to read about the adoption from his perspective…

PART ONE

And if you want to read about our story from the birth mom and nana’s perspective, you can find it here.

PART ONE

PART TWO

PART THREE

PART FOUR

PART FIVE

PART SIX

And if you want to begin reading about Jordan’s ongoing story about being adopted, and what it’s like to adopt a toddler, you can begin the journey here.

PART ONE