Looking back at your life from your death bed, has got to be an indescribable experience.
Day to day life is fast, like standing in a river with currents threatening to take you away with it, down, down, down. We hold strong and fight for what we believe in, thinking little of our last day on earth. It could be today, or it could be in many years – but with little regard – we hold steady.
Grandma Ginny is holding on. She is taking her last breaths of air, and in transition. Family are around, tears are being shed, memories shared – alone in the dark in her quiet ears. She can hear us, but not much more. Recognition sparks inside her brown eyes for fleeting moments, and in those times, we connect. She’s slipping away and separating from her body, into a light world of peace.
We aren’t sad, in fact, it is a celebration of sorts. She is ready to move on and venture into the next world, that awaits her arrival. We are ready for her to be set free, and uninhibited – once again – as she was when she entered her body, ninety-two years ago. So, we are happy – but there is a certain sadness comes with knowing that the end of her story among us, has come to an end.
She taught us lessons. Through her weaknesses and strengths, she added to our lives. She has become a big part of my story, through her own time and by extension – my husband, her grandson and children. She taught us to give; give of her time, talents, and love.
Last night, we said goodbye. We tickled her soft skin by her face, and prayed that the morphine is helping, as it should. Kinley, Whitney and I sang her a song – because we had before, when my Grandma passed away, years ago. My girls were much younger then, so to see them actually stand taller than her bed side, and carry a beautiful tune in her room, melted my heart. I remember loosing my grandpa when I was their age, and I still miss him, immensely. Grandparents play an important role in our lives, and I’m grateful for every minute. I’m not going to lie, there were times this woman has driven us all crazy, but that is life – right? Her insanities were part of her, along with her gifts, the same as us all.
So we wait. There is going to be a text or call soon, saying she has moved on. We will be happy, and sad. She has lived a wonderful and full life. Only three days ago when she could still talk, she said, “I don’t think I’ll be married again, those men can clean their own socks!” and we all laughed. She has lived a life of service, and doesn’t know anything else.
She stops breathing regularly and then starts. She coughs a bit and stops. Her body twitches just a bit and relaxes. She is slipping. So, we prepare to say goodbye. We love you Grandma!
written by: Janae
Hello! I am Camille, a wife, mother of four, Disney obsessed, certified teacher, and reality optimist. Motherhood comes with its ups and downs, and I hope while you’re here you’ll find something that makes your #momlife easier!