This subject is funny to me and also incredibly important. I’d like to start this post by illustrating my point.
As a woman, there are certain expetations I tend to have when it comes to things of romance. But, with being a woman, those expectations adapt and change. One night in particular I was complaining to Paul that he wasn’t saying enough romantic things. The conversation went a little something like this…”Paul, remember when you used to say that you had a hard time breathing around me? Or when you would tell me I was the most beautiful, amazing woman you’ve ever met?” Paul’s response, “Well, yeah…that was like a long time ago. We’ve been married for five years!” ……long pause…….Me, “five years??” Paul, “Ugh, I mean….ha hah ha”. We started rolling into fits of laughter because it hasn’t been five years it has been over eight. HMMMMM. Funny. To give him credit it was late at night and caused us to laugh so hard that I had tears rolling down my face. Who forgets almost four years of time!?! It wasn’t a romantic moment to be sure, but it was one we both could laugh at.
I am certainly no expert on this subject. But as I pondered on the matter this week I came up with a list of ten things that we/I do that seem to help.
1. A great marriage is made up of two great forgivers. I love this quote because without forgiveness in a marriage there is no place for romance. There will certainly always be one of you screwing up at some point. Learn to let the small things roll of your back and work together on the hard things. Also, you must learn to laugh.
2. Play together. Whether it be a movie night, vacation get away, swinging on the swings, or a movie night at home.
3. Whenever Paul and I have a special dinner when it is just the two of us (this doesn’t happen often) we like to review the year and talk about the things we love about each other and take turns telling the other. This typically will happen at an anniversary, Christmas, or birthday. It is a great opportunity to talk about your top 5 from that year or your married life so far, and see your what spouse sees through their eyes.
4. Remember to say I love you every day. Hold hands. Give each other a kiss.
5. Make goals and stay united. For us, we take time to attend the temple, write monthly goals, and talk about our week and what is going on in our lives.
6. Let each other have boy/girl time alone. That may sound like the opposite of “romance” together, but I think it does a lot for rejuvinating the other and then having loving feelings for the other as a result.
7. Surprise each other in simple ways. Whether it be putting away laundry, writing a special note, or just giving them an extra squeeze and declaration of love unexpected.
8. Understand your spouses “love language”, I have learned that Paul receives love much differently than I do. I receive love by action and word his favorite way of receiving love is having is head scratched. It is such a simple thing and I didn’t realize how much it meant to him until recently when I asked him what his most favorite way of receiving love is. Ask your spouse! It may surprise you, it may change, the only way to know is to ask; don’t be afraid of telling the other either. A great way to start the conversation is by asking first though. 🙂
9. Make simple things great things. A movie night at home may be all you get and that is okay. Have a candlelight pizza dinner with the kids, create your own “spa” night, be willing to take time to please each other. ahem. 🙂
10. Remind yourselves of the things that made you fall in love in the first place. I like to have out old pictures of our first dates, read our journal entries together, and talk about how far you’ve come along the way.
Happy Valentines Day everyone! I’d love to hear what you do too! 🙂
Hello! I am Camille, a wife, mother of four, Disney obsessed, certified teacher, and reality optimist. Motherhood comes with its ups and downs, and I hope while you’re here you’ll find something that makes your #momlife easier!