Happy Birthday, I’m Over the Hill

For as long as I can remember, I’ve told myself I wouldn’t be sad when I turned forty.

There is so much to live for after forty, and in many ways life is just beginning. But tonight as I laid in the bath, (for the first time in as long time) on the eve of my fortieth birthday – it hit me. I’m forty. And honestly, tears began to run down my face and drop into my hot bath water. I was shocked at my emotions and realized that I hadn’t ever really let it sink in, until now. I wasn’t sad, I was just emotional.

I thought about my life and the many beautiful experiences I’ve had. Really, lots of people aren’t able to live on this earth this long. I love my kids and my husband. I appreciate the lessons I’ve learned, because they’ve made me who I am. I’ve seen failure and success. I have wanted things I was not meant to have, and been blessed with things I never dreamed of experiencing. I’ve learned that we can plan, but the only sure thing in this life – is change. I’ve learned patience and acceptance, because diversity is wonderful. I’ve felt weak in situations I thought I could handle and strong during times I could have never imagined.

I look forward to the future with a bright hope. I pray that I can use the many things I’ve learned, to be better. I hope my health can be hold out, and I need to take better care of myself than I have for the past several years. I think as a mother, I have become used to caring for others, but I need to shift some of that care to myself, so I can see my family grow.

I’m sure tomorrow I’ll be fine, and life will go on. I’ll joke about being “over the hill” and share a my “pinnable” blog post “40 reasons to love 40”, because it is pretty funny. But I just wanted to take a minute to be real. I wanted to take a moment to be vulnerable and true to my thoughts and experience. I don’t know a lot of older bloggers that share these kinds of things, but I plan to. I want to share the beauty of grandkids and retirement. I think I’d like to speak of raising my teenagers and working in the community. I want to share the stories of so many beautiful women I know and the fantastic things they have to share. I have a lot to say – and I’m ready to begin sharing it.

But tonight, I need to finish being emotional in my bed, by my husband that is being so sweet and thoughtful. He asked if I’m sad, and I said no. He asked if I am happy, and I said yes. He asked if I’m happy in my life, and I am. But I am full of emotions. Tomorrow I will be happy. I will celebrate life and everything I love. My family.

written by: Janae