I remember that weekend like it was yesterday.
A text that changed our lives forever. Who knew that my prayers had been heard, years before? I thought I was alone that day in my laundry room when I knelt in prayer. I was sure. Laundry was piled high, as if whining for attention – along with my children.
“Me! Me! Pick ME!” Sometimes as a mom, it feels like your duties talk to you.
My computer screen had seven tabs open, all tired from roaming the web for baby boys to adopt. I must have been crazy. I was crazy. Who was I to even think to adopt a child when I had so many already? I had beautiful daughters. Six of them and they were perfect. Each time a new baby Moss girl came into our lives, we were overwhelmed with their beauty. I was in love with each of them. I put everything into their existence and care. I was happy to be home with them all day, counting, singing, running and even changing a million diapers. It wasn’t easy, no not for a moment – but it was amazing.
I only felt a hole for one thing and that was raising a son. I ached for a little boy to fill this void. When I saw toddlers around that looked anything like “my son”, I would tear up and my heart would burn. Why couldn’t I let this go? I wanted to set this free and move on.
So I prayed.
I asked for what I felt would make me happy. Please, send me a son…. I pleaded. My spirit reached into the air above me and my heavy soul stayed planted firm on the cold tiled floor. I’ll take whichever boy you choose…. I trust that he will be right for us. He could be a toddler, just younger than Halle…. and hot tears began to roll down my cheeks and drop onto my pants. Why can’t I let this go? Please help me let this go…. Please, if there isn’t a boy out there – my boy – please help me to move on….
A glimpse of our friend, Jared, crossed my mind and a strong thought to tell him that I was looking. He wasn’t in the adoption business, other than he was looking for a baby, himself. Why am I thinking of Jared….I closed my prayer, stood up and surrendered to my nagging chores.
That week, Jared stopped by my house from out of town. I felt crazy even mentioning my thoughts – but how do you ignore that? When you have an impression that strong, you just do it.
Two years later, I get a text “Shmo, I have your son.” Which happens to be exactly four years ago TODAY.
You can’t tell me that prayers aren’t heard and answered. They may not be answered in the same way that we imagine them – but they are answered in the best way for us. In my case, it just happened to be a little 18 month boy with big brown eyes, long eyelashes, a huge smile and a personality that draws the world in with him. It hasn’t been easy. He’s actually been harder to raise than any other child – times two. He has needed a lot of patience and care, but I see so much strength and love in him. I refuse to believe that he will always hurt because he had a hard beginning. He was meant to come to this earth, to a mom that loved him and a Nana that loved him and an extended family that loved him. They STILL love him. And, he was meant to find his way to us when he did. He path has been blessed.
So whenever I want to give up or give in. Whenever I want to run – when life gets hard, I can’t. I can’t turn my back on blessings. I have been blessed beyond measure. My husband is loving and supportive – a great dad. My daughters make me smile, each one of them. They all have talents and gifts and I’m so proud of them. I wish I could take credit, but I learn from them, daily.
That’s why we have kids, you know. Because we have so much to learn – not because we have all of the answers. Thank you, Heavenly Father, for teaching me each day through my trials and blessings. Thank you.
(If you’d like to read our whole amazing adoption story, click here)